Tag Archives: Humour

12 days of BJJ Xmas 2011 – It’s all about the love, y’all…

Last year I did a silly little xmas post which seemed to go down well (Renzo himself liked it, huzzah!) so this year I’m doing the same. It started out life as silly text conversation with a fellow BJJer who wishes to remain nameless, but credited. So thank you masked person… YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
BJJ can be an aggressive sport. Things can get heated in the midst of battle, and rivalries can flourish. There’s a lot of interclub sniping that takes place at comps and sometimes I think we lose sight of the fact that we’re all in this together. At this festive time of love and giving I say we need to relax, and cast off those resentments that may have built up and feel the Christmas spirit in us all. And what better way to show your love for your fellow BJJ player than to show them some real loving?
Therefore in the interests of strengthening interclub relations I humbly present:
The 12 days of Xmas top 12 reasons you should sleep with other BJJers:

1. The extra cardio will be good for your game

2. You can wear your Gis for extra grips

3. All those “get in my guard” jokes will be true for once.

4. The endorphins released are good for. FACT.

5. If you’re really bendy you can do kinky “rubber guard” stuff.

6. You’ll finally have a use for all those belts

7. No-one could be accused of “sleeping through their grades” if everyone is doing it

8. BJJ girls will get mount and BJJ guys won’t care

9. Rear mount is not as bad a postion to be in as you think

10. You get to practise all those new techniques you’ve wanted to

11. You can make your own north/south joke here

12. Xmas is a time for charity, and some of us don’t get out much…


And finally, if those 12 reasons don’t convince you. I have one final thing to say: A lot of clubs close up over this time and people will be feeling the withdrawal soon. Fucking might not be as good as actually rolling, but it’s pretty damn close.


Merry Christmas, Bitches.  x

PS I can’t believe I got through that whole list without making a single “Dominant position” or “Submission” joke.

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BJJ Haiku

A silly post for my silly blog. I should point out these aren’t true Haiku, as I can’t write in Japanese so you get these westernised ones instead. Still, kept me amused for a few hours on twitter whilst at work. Enjoy. Or not.

Every night I die
I am smashed more than smashing
Every night, Reborn

This is my Blue Belt
There are many just like it
But this one is mine *


Opponent in guard
Heavy, crushing,  starts to pass
I reverse my sweep
Worry not about
Your friends, their medals, or belts
It is your  Journey


Strong, Tall and Mighty
Smashes opponents like bugs
Wish he was my Dad


A fool speaks and says
“Girls can’t fight, they just pull hair. “
HA! Real girls pull Guard

And finally, from my good rocking buddy at training, a worryingly accurate Haiku all about me…


When sober pure
In drink he finds happiness
My angry friend

… I like it.



*Obviously inspired by The Rifleman’s Creed. Which, if you haven’t already, you should read. Not least to get an appreciation of how fucking mental the US forces are.

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12 Days of BJJ Xmas

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love sent to me:

12 Black Belts smashing

11 Legs a sweeping

10 Fingers gripping

9 Gis a ripping

8 Guards for passing

7 Postures breaking

6 Backs for taking


4 Collar Chokes

3 Arm Bars

2 Kimuras

And a real life Renzo Gracie!!

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